16.08.2023 Ready

I want to be ready to live, and therefore I am not. The fact that I want to be ready means I’m waiting for a time when that will be the case. But that time will never come, because it doesn’t exist, it is part of the unknowable future that is ultimately irrelevant in endeavors like this. There is only one version of me that can ever be ready: the me of the present. That me is (in)formed by the me of the past and of the future, but it is not those versions of me. A separation is necessary, even though it is philosophically irresponsible in certain aspects. A leap has to be made, everything I am exists or I am nothing. These are two optimal states for being ready. This isn’t new, many before me have come to this point. But it was new to them then, and it is new (in its reality) to me now. Will I make a decision? Yes. And I will fail.